Till Death do us….

The Modern Witch Tarot Deck

Ever since I was a child I feared death. It’s crazy because why is a 10 year old even thinking about death. I am not sure what exact experience I had which put me in fear at such a young age.

I had this wooden bunk bed that I shared with my younger brother. Our bed was close to the window, I had the top because he was a toddler. The foot of my bed was closest to the window. I remember laying there looking at all the stars each night. Pointing out the big dipper and little dipper. Often wondering what was out there, maybe aliens were real and could fly down on spaceships to kidnap me never returning. Other times I would think about how horrible it would be if I couldn’t look up at the stars anymore. I would cry myself to sleep thinking about how one day I was going to be an adult and It would be my turn to die. Those thoughts were frequently accompanied by dreams with similar feelings.

As an adult I refused to accept the thought so much I avoided paying my respects at funeral services. I became selfish saying I wanted to leave this earth before my loved ones. Mostly, so I wouldn’t have to face that inevitable reality. The thought of me leaving someone I love in pain did not help either. Honestly, I still struggle just like I did at 10 years old.

I have been creating a higher thought process around death. In Tarot, the death card is usually a sign that a cycle is ending and something new is beginning. I am deeply understanding death from the physical and psychological worlds. My spiritual practice helps me understand that there is more than just the sadness of death. It is the ending of life and the passage into the next one.