More Than A Bitch

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“Transparency Is Easy For Me When I Think Of The Cost Of Hiding Your Truth....It’s Less Important To Be Liked, Than It Is To Be Respected”

— L. COX

Yesterday I was given a new title and that shit rocked me to my core. I was called a “Disrespectful Bitch” by someone I adore, respect, care for and have supported on all levels. I was shocked more than anything and immediately began processing my feelings.

Honestly, I have never been spoken to so harshly and so I did not know how to respond. I was more disappointed than I was angry. I started overthinking where I went wrong and what I could have done better to cultivate a healthier relationship. The fact was I did do all that I could do and I had to give myself some credit. Building requires the full participation of two people who are equally committed to that goal. I alone could not have done anything more. I showed up as a friend when I was needed. I extended grace, compassion and love when they were dealing with the turbulence of life. I even challenged myself to become more vulnerable and thought of ways to open better lines of communication. Through all these truths I still managed to feel like a failure.

Then it hit me! There will be people who are committed to misunderstanding you. People who project their fears and lack on to you, who decide to see you from whatever lens they choose. People who will do things that you will not understand and who fabricate reality. Most importantly people who need healing from past trauma. I was reminded that as much as we want to save others sometimes we can’t. All we can do is change ourselves and focus on our own mental and personal development. We all have to face life and go through the motions on our own. At some phase we are forced to take accountability for our actions or lack there of.

That moment was an indicator for me about being clear on the types of people I want in my life. It’s important to identify those individuals who you can growth with and learn from. No one is perfect, we are all learning from each other and navigating life together. This was a reminder for me to pay attention to red flags and set healthy boundaries with those around me. A moment of realization that when someone shows you who they are and you witness their actions believe it. That 2020 Vision is no joke.