The Spirit of Intimacy

I purchased the book “ The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teachings in The Ways of Relationships” a while ago. When I first received it I read one chapter and tucked it in my bookcase and moved on with life. At that time my mental space was not ready to digest and process the words on the level it deserved.

I have always related intimacy with sex. As I have gotten older I understand that it’s not about sex at all. For me it is about connecting with your partner from our core being. It is a feeling of being free with them on every level and sharing a sacred space together.

Two weeks ago walking past my bookcase this book was shining so bright. I have tons of books on the shelves, but this one despite the size was calling out to me. I picked it up and never looked back.

Based on the culture and rituals practiced by the Dagara people of West Africa it details the spiritual relationships between men and women. This book speaks about intimacy from a level I had never considered. It highlighted the bond of two spirits aligning in their purpose and the support of the community to see their union to success.


This book is divided into 14 spiritually connected chapters. Each of which was thought provoking and lead me to do some self reflection.

  1. Dano: Home to the Old Ways

  2. A song of Spirit

  3. The Embrace of Community

  4. Ritual: The Call to Spirit

  5. Born to a Purpose

  6. Initiation: Gaining Knowledge

  7. Marriage: Two Worlds Together

  8. Intimacy: In the Ash Circle

  9. The Illusion of Romance

  10. Continual Renewal

  11. Conflict: A Spirit Gift

  12. Divorce and Loss: Cutting the Vine

  13. Homosexuality: The Gatekeepers

  14. Barka


I recommend this book to anyone who is on a spiritual journey and who may need some insight into intimate relationships. This book is guaranteed to change the foundational beliefs we have been programmed to living by western culture.

Here are my biggest takeaways from The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teachings in The Ways of Relationships by Sobonfu Some.

  • “Purpose is central to existence, and relationships are avenues for one’s purpose to be expressed.”

  • “Intimacy in general terms is a song of spirit inviting two people to come and share their spirit together.”

  • “In order for the feminine and the masculine energies to live harmoniously, women and men must commit themselves to work at balancing their sexual energies.”

  • “Marriage is a way of taking the call of the spirit further. It brings two souls, two purposes, two worlds together, and allows them to bring their gifts forward to benefit the community. Marriage is a way for spirit to bring its support for two people into one greater energy. It brings together two or many lines of ancestors, two cultures, and many different ways of looking at the world.”

  • “ If you try to aim at pleasure only, intimacy will be short. If you can look at intimacy as spirit-driven and go beyond the limitations of pleasure, then intimacy can have a long - lasting effect. It can be life-giving and healing.”

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Letter To My Past