Unrequited Love

This year I had to face the real reason why I don’t like Valentine’s Day. Although some of my reasons are valid (at least in my opinion). I am challenging myself to full transparency and committed to changing how I feel about the day.

As a kid Valentine’s Day was exciting in my house. I was showered with teddy bears, chocolate hearts, and Charlie Brown Valentine’s Day cards. I remember sitting for hours happily selecting cards and signing them to give away at school. I’d always ask for pink and red construction paper to make cut out hearts and draw I love you all over the place.

As an adult those sweet memories from childhood got covered in pain and embarrassment. I’ve experienced quite a bit of trauma around this holiday. I honestly can’t say I’ve had a Valentine’s Day that was full of love since I was that kid cutting out paper hearts for hours in my room.

Soon I began dreading the day and telling myself the holiday was a sham. A cover up on fake love and a complete waste of money. The purchase of overpriced flowers and chocolate that would sit in the fridge for weeks till they saw the trash can. I didn’t care and I had built this wall of disappointment which was never proved otherwise. This year was the first time I realized that my mindset around the day is what continued to create that same cycle for me. So I am manifesting a different feeling and new experiences for myself.

Truth is it’s never a waste when you are showing someone how much you love and appreciate them. It’s never a waste to see a smile on the face of your love. It is actually beautiful and fulfilling to give and receive love. So I’m ditching my old thought patterns and I am looking forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day in the years to come.

::lights rose sage::

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