unconditional love
I’ve been thinking about unconditional love—not the fairytale, rom-com version. Not the transactional kind, the “I’ll love you as long as you do this for me” type — either. The kind that doesn’t waver, that isn’t based on conditions, expectations, or performance. I’m thinking about real, raw, no-strings-attached love—the kind most of us crave but rarely experience. I’m thinking about love in its purest form.
I used to think unconditional love meant tolerating anything, that it was about enduring and accepting no matter what. But that’s not love—that’s self-abandonment. What I’ve learned is that unconditional love isn’t about losing yourself in another person. It’s about seeing someone’s soul, holding space for their truth, and loving them, not in spite of their flaws, but with an understanding that those flaws don’t define them. Just how my flaws do not define me.
Our culture today doesn’t teach us unconditional love. We live in a world where love is often tied to performance, status, or transactions. Most of what we call love today is conditional. It’s rooted in “I love you if” - If you show up exactly how I need you to. The moment those conditions aren’t met, the love shifts or disappears. Love has become so deeply wounded and full of generational trauma, unspoken expectations, and unhealed pain. Love for most men and women is tainted by survival, emotional unavailability, hyper-independence, and emotional walls built from past betrayals.
I have been programmed to expect love to hurt, to be hard, to be earned. And in that, have forgotten what it means to simply be in love. The kind that heals, transforms, and transcends—is not built on conditions. It doesn’t demand that someone show up perfectly. It doesn’t disappear when things get hard. It doesn’t keep score. It’s just love.
At its core, unconditional love is spiritual. It’s divine. It’s the kind of love God has for us—constant, unwavering, present. It’s the kind of love that exists beyond ego, pride, and fear. It’s the love that reminds us that we are worthy, just as we are. But most people struggle with this kind of love because it requires them to do the inner work. It requires them to love themselves unconditionally first. And honestly—that’s the hardest part.
Unconditional love starts with YOU. It’s not about waiting for someone to love you without conditions; it’s about becoming the kind of person who embodies the spirit of love. A person who gives without fear, who loves without possession, who sees love not as something to control, but as a beautiful fulfilling experience.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I want to challenge you to redefine love for yourself. Forget the flowers, the chocolates, the grand gestures. Instead, ask yourself these questions and feel free to use them as journal prompts:
❤️ Where am I loving with conditions?
❤️ Where am I withholding love out of fear?
❤️ How can I practice love in a way that feels free, not forced?
❤️ And most importantly—how can I love myself unconditionally first?
Because at the end of the day, the love we seek from others can only meet us at the depth we’ve learned to love ourselves. And when we truly understand that, love stops being something we chase and starts being something we are.